<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>desideratum by oceanglow</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27396178">desideratum</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanglow/pseuds/oceanglow'>oceanglow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Break Up, M/M, Relationship of Convenience, Spoilers for Episode: Selfishness v. Selflessness, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:28:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27396178</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanglow/pseuds/oceanglow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma loves Kuroo, that's for sure. Kuroo loves Kenma, but in unconventional ways. If it is considered unconventional... or better yet, optional.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>desideratum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello, Ken? Babe?”</p><p>Kenma missed his voice, he wished Kuroo would call him more.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Where are you? Come on, let’s eat. I missed you,” Kuroo sounds excited, which Kenma felt from the other line.</p><p>“Sure. Meet me at the first floor.”</p><p>“See you!”</p><p>“See you.”</p><p>Kenma is not good at expressing his feelings and emotions, at least that’s what he thought. But this time, he was sure Kuroo can hear his silent squeals from the other end. He really had a difficult time concealing his excitement.</p><p>
  <em>I wish Kuroo gets excited like this more often.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I have a gift for you,” Kuroo welcomed him with a warm smile.</p><p>He almost forgot how breathtakingly geogeous he is.</p><p>He almost forgot how this smile felt.</p><p>He almost forgot how it felt like his heart was basking under the sun for the warmth it offers.</p><p>He almost forgot how it makes his stomach feels like a lepidopterarium.</p><p>He almost forgot how it made him feel loved.</p><p>Kenma reached for the crimson paper bag Kuroo lent to him but the latter pulled the bag back and instead reached for Kenma’s small hand and started to walk towards the parking space.</p><p>
  <em>Touché.</em>
</p><p>Kenma can feel heat and steam coming off of his face. He knows his face is beet red at the moment. He was definitely caught off guard there.</p><p>Kuroo gazed behind him and he saw Kenma’s face. He couldn’t help but snort.</p><p>“Stop it. I’ll kill you,” The blonde demanded with a threatening voice as he tried to pull his hand back from Kuroo’s grasp.</p><p>“Woah there, kitten. I haven’t seen you for a while and hostility is what you’re going to welcome me with? Show me some love, c’mon,” Kuroo swears he could see furs standing on their ends and claws out from Kenma. He grinned at the view.</p><p>He intertwined his fingers with the blonde one. This made Kenma’s face redder than it already is. If you ask him right now, even if he denies it for the life of his, his face is going to show how his heart skipped a beat at this motion.</p><p>
  <em>I wish this moment would last forever. I like seeing him happy even if it's at my sanity’s expense.</em>
</p><p>“Where d’you wanna eat? It’s my treat this time,” Kuroo asked as he opened the shotgun seat door for Kenma.</p><p>“You asked me out, right? Then you should've planned ahead,” Kenma replied as he plopped on the shotgun seat.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled at his boyfriend’s response. He knows this is what he gets if he played Kenma like that. He leaned towards Kenma and planted a small kiss on the blonde’s lips before he closed the door and walked around going to the driver’s side.</p><p><em>For the love of gods, when will this guy stop making me fall in love with him all over again?</em> Kenma asked himself as he closed his eyes tightly and covered his mouth with his right hand and internally screamed. He feels like his hands are melting from the heat his face is emitting.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“How have you been?” The black haired asked as he drove with his one hand, and the other one is holding Kenma’s.</p><p>“The company has been calling me in for work for a week straight. I don’t like it,” Kenma replied as his mind rewinds all the mornings he has to wake up early and go straight to work.</p><p>“I thought so. It’s visible on your face. Have they been mistreating you? I’m ready to square up, who were they?” Kuroo playfully asked.</p><p>“No. Dumbass. How about you? From the office?” The younger one asked as he glides his eyes from Kuroo’s loosely tied necktie down to his crotch— <em>no</em>. He stopped right there and panned his head to look outside the vehicle.</p><p>
  <em>I swear to gods. If I don’t go back to normal right now, I’m gonna yeet myself out of the window.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah. After I dropped some documents, the higher ups decided to give this day to me as my off because I’ve been filling in for a workmate for the past two days,” he explained before bringing Kenma’s hand close to his lips and gave the back of it a peck, eyes still on the road. “I missed you.”</p><p>This motion made Kenma look towards Kuroo’s direction which simply revealed his beet red face, yet again.</p><p>“Y-yeah, I missed you too,” he quickly said, just like a whisper.</p><p>Kuroo quickly glanced at the younger one's direction. “I can see steam off of your face,” he let out a chuckle. “You wanna do it now? Wait up, I’m gonna find us a spot.” Before Kuroo was able to enter a basement parking lot, Kenma quickly pulled his hand from Kuroo’s grasp and punched his thigh which made the latter wince in pain while laughing.</p><p>“Shut up. Pervert.”</p><p>Kuroo’s laugh was echoing while Kenma had to control his urges to strangle the man beside him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So I was thinking, I want to quit my job.”</p><p>Kenma almost dropped his chopsticks with char siu because of Kuroo’s revelation.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I want to quit my job,” Kuroo simply said as he twirled his fork through his tuna pasta. They decided they should just have their foods to-go and drive straight to the nearest park.</p><p>“Why? Are they not paying you enough?”</p><p>“They are. But I want to run my own company and I think this is the right time for me to finally do that,” Kuroo raised his head and stared at the kids playing in the playground nearby.</p><p>“That’s very sudden but if you already have decided and planned, then just go for it.” Kenma got a piece of his char siu and stuffed it into Kuroo’s mouth.</p><p>“This is the first time I told someone about this. It has been on my mind since last month. Your presence means so much. I love you,” Kuroo gazed upon the younger one and tucked Kenma’s loose hair strands behind his ear. This gesture made Kenma’s heart flutter and lips into a small curve.</p><p>Kenma didn’t expect Kuroo to make a decision like this, especially he knows that Kuroo likes his job.</p><p>
  <em>I hope this works out for him. He truly deserves it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“K-Kuroo- ah…”</p><p>“K-Kenma! If you t-tighten up like that--!”</p><p>Moans were echoing inside the room as both of them reached their climax.</p><p>“I love you,” Kuroo kissed Kenma’s lips as he tried to catch his breath. He collapsed on top of the younger one and planted small wet kisses on Kenma’s neck while whispering 'I love you' several times.</p><p>“Kuroo, you’re heavy. Get off me,” Kenma protested as he tries to push Kuroo off.</p><p>“Can we stay like this for a couple of minutes?” Kuroo whispered.</p><p>“I’d like to, but let’s wash first.”</p><p>“Your sprawled cum can wait.”</p><p>“Kuroo...” He got flustered at Kuroo’s vulgar words. He still has no idea when to filter his words, or maybe Kenma just never got used to it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Washing up never happened. Kuroo passed out after a few minutes and Kenma had to wash him in bed. He noticed black circles under Kuroo’s eyes. Relief together with exhaustion was also apparent on his face.</p><p>
  <em>You need to take care of yourself more. I will not be here to take care of you all the time.</em>
</p><p>After washing Kuroo up, he planted a peck on Kuroo’s lips. He stood up and washed himself and prepared for tomorrow’s leave.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kuroo woke up with the smell of coffee and the warmth of the sun hitting the right side of his face from the large glass window. On his far left, he saw Kenma in front of the vanity fixing his long hair into a low bun. He removed the white blanket covering his body and he noticed that he has underwear on. He walked up to Kenma and hugged him from behind.</p><p>“Did you wash me up?” He asked as he traced the younger one’s neck with kisses.</p><p>“Yeah. You were dead after a few minutes. I didn’t want to sleep on the sofa so I had no choice but to wash you up. I don’t want to sleep beside a sweaty and cum-filled guy,” Kenma’s answer made Kuroo raise his head and watched him from the vanity.</p><p>“Who’s cum was it?” Kuroo smirked after asking which made Kenma blush. He stretched his hair tie and pointed it to Kuroo’s face and released it. The pain made Kuroo loosen his grip against Kenma but it also made him laugh so hard that he almost hit his head on the wall. He knew he could always catch Kenma off guard with his remarks.</p><p>“Kenma, that legit stings. What the hell,” he said as he massaged the reddened area.</p><p>“It’s your fault. Eat your breakfast. I have something to tell you.”</p><p>They both sat down on the couch facing each other. Kuroo had a sip from his coffee and had a bite from his avocado toast.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s end this,” Kenma started as he waits for Kuroo to raise his head and look at him.</p><p>“Kenma…” Kuroo did raise his head and gazed straight into Kenma’s golden orbs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I love you, Kuroo… but I’m tired of being loved only when you need me.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenma remembered how Kuroo only remembers that he loves Kenma when something is bothering his mind.</p><p>When he needs his sexual desires fulfilled.</p><p>When he wants someone to listen to him.</p><p>When he needs opinions and advices.</p><p>When he needs someone to accompany him.</p><p>When he sees something interesting that he wants to try in bed.</p><p> </p><p>How Kuroo only remembers that he loves Kenma only when he needs to.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m tired waiting for you to call me every night which never happens. You only see me, what, once every three months? How long have we been like this? 3 fucking years, Kuroo,"</p><p>
  <em>Here goes nothing.</em>
</p><p>Kenma inhaled sharply before letting hell break loose.</p><p>"I stayed for 3 fucking years because I know you can’t open up to others about your negative inner thoughts. I know you cannot easily mingle with others especially when you are bothered with something unpleasant. I stayed because I know you need me and I don’t want to make things more difficult for you even if it already is for me. I stayed for 3 years hoping that you’d notice that I need you too," Kenma was shaking, absolutely out of breath and his heart is close to exploding. But all of this... is incomparable to what he had to go through for those 3 years.</p><p>"I chose you over myself for 3 years, Kuroo, but I never felt that you’re scared to lose me. I never felt that I’m actually important to you not because I’m always by your side whenever you need me but because you love me. For 3 years, I was hoping you’d love me not only when you need to,” Kuroo opened his mouth just to close it again. He knows he should say or do something but his mind is blank. He does not know what to say or do.</p><p>“I’m not your fuck buddy, Kuroo. I’m your fucking boyfriend but I never felt like I was.”</p><p>Tears started streaming down from Kenma’s eyes. It's like the dam he tried to keep strong and closed was destroyed by force.</p><p>He gathered his things and was about to storm out of the room when a crying Kuroo grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“At least take this game I bought for you… as my last gift,” Kuroo’s eyes was pleading.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. Why do I feel like taking my words back. I love him so much.</em>
</p><p>“Thank you. Best wishes for you and your plans but don’t ever see me again,” Kenma said while avoiding Kuroo’s gaze. It hurts so much but he needs to let go.</p><p>He pulled his hand from Kuroo’s grip, grabbed the crimson paper bag, and locked the door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It’s time for me to choose myself.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I listened to a lot of Silent Sanctuary songs while writing this because I keep getting distracted on making this a fluff one. I need to get my goals re-evaluated I guess.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>